I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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