I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
