he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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