i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
