i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
