Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
