everyone is single if you try hard enough
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
We left an ass print on the piano.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
so much tequila, so little girl.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
