I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
How does it feel to date your dad?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
