i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
