I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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