Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
