Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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