she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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