Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
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i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
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The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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