he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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