.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
