It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
