so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
