cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
