Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
