My sheets look like a crime scene.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
