its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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