Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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