girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
