Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
