I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
