I heard we made out
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
