I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
