Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
