guys are not supposed to queef...right?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
