So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
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