I smell stomach acid.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
