her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
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