Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
