I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
