I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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