Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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