pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Randomize
