I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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