he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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