im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
