The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
