Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
