I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
