just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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