i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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