I feel great
I just peed on a car
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Just high enough for therapy.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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