he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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