Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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