Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Randomize
