dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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