you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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