...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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