you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
