Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
