i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
