I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
