I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
The feeling are messing with the penis
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
