Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
