I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
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if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
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I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.