How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
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Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
No...this little piggys going to the bar
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From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.