so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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