so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge