Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.