Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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