my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
