So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize