I want to stick my p in your. b.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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