Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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