Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
not ubering you a puppy
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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