hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
