mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
