I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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