if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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