Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
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