And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
