My brain says no but my pants say off.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
