i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
