Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
